Finding Your Way Home

 I used to fall in love twice a month.  Every other weekend, without fail, it happened. And always with the same man. Luckily it was the man I was – and am – married to.

The trigger was my husband’s bi-monthly call to his father.  For an hour I’d hear laughter and tenderness as he filled his dad in on the latest news:  kids’ accomplishments, work successes, things that would make his dad proud and give him something to brag to his friends about.  Glowing summaries commonly reserved for holiday letters and reunion bios.  And, eventually, elderly parents. 

As a stand-alone event it was pretty sweet.  The thing that really moved me, though, was that my husband’s relationship with his father was not exactly storybook.  His father was an angry man who took out his frustrations on his children.  Criticism, abuse and fear were constant members of the family. It’s a miracle that my husband grew up to be the gentle man he is.

In spite of the history between them, he called.  In spite of having become a father and realized the power of words and actions in forming a child’s character, he called.  He chose the high road, stayed in touch, called his father regularly and gave him an hour that would keep him going until the next call.  

It was not a choice everyone would make, understandably, given the past.  But he did.  And as I overheard pieces of the conversation, I would feel that delicious feeling of loving someone where your body feels warm and soft and your heart feels like it’s expanding to its limits.

It was also a poignant lesson in sticking with something or someone no matter how hard, no matter how many times you get rebuffed or discouraged and no matter how angry it makes you.  Some people in our lives are toxic and should avoided.  But if you find you care enough to want to know why a person is the way they are; if you have even an inkling that there is a good soul underneath the prickles and barbs; and especially if this person is a one and only in your life, then it’s worth the work to find your way back home.