This time that is described as "change of life" is so much more than hot flashes and changing bodies. Our lives are truly changing. My mother-in-law is declining as a result of congestive heart failure. My father is suffering from Parkinsons. A friend just died of cancer. My children are flapping their wings harder and harder and getting ready to leave the nest for good. It's as though my job description is being rewritten, but no one has shown it to me yet and I'm not sure what to do. How do I function in a world where I am no longer a daughter? Where I no longer buy my mother-in-law a Christmas present? Where I am no longer a mother in the way I have been for 22 years? How will it be in the office without our friend and co-worker?
I met a woman on the beach last week -- both of us walking our dogs on a fresh, sunny fall morning -- and, remarkably for the fact that we were strangers to one another, we had this very conversation. She lost her husband when she was in her mid-40's, raised their two children and for 30 years carved out a life of her own. She has lived in France, California and lots of places in between. She teaches yoga to seniors. She is a landlady of a property she bought recently. When we met, she was recovering from a broken back, suffered on a bike trip in Italy. When I told her what was going on in my life, she said, "Wonderful, Irene!" Without minimizing or dismissing what I was experiencing, she said, "Irene, life is changing for you and you are heading in a new direction - -and it is wonderful. I promise you, it will be okay."
It's hard to see it that way at this moment, but I think she is right. I am going to make sure that she is.
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